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reading tiger

So I kind of had a thing over the weekend where I felt like I'd discovered that I'd wasted a lot of time and energy on the projects of people who turned out never to have held me in the kind of respect that my work for them deserved. Yeah, I know, I'm being cryptic (and convoluted). I'm still feeling that way -- um, not respected that is, not cryptic and convoluted -- with the added dose of thems that did respect my work are recently dead and it's that time of year when we mourn our dead and so now it's all a-churn in my head and my solar plexus.

I don't know if my cryptic assessment is actually true or not. I have issues with feeling underestimated and/or taken for granted and I recognize that.* Sometimes the data supports this (see: On Our Backs) and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes it's hard to tell.

But yeah. That's where my head is at, on and off, right now. Hopefully the feeeelings wave will pass soon.

* I also have issues with having issues, because that's the kind of person I am. :P


that is a hard place to be. on the one hand I like to take people at their word. on the other hand I honor my gut feelings. on the other other hand perhaps the very recently dead had things going on that made it hard for them to respect anybody. maybe. don't know. but hope the feelings pass. I guess the middle way is something to do w knowing you are great.
Sorry to be unclear -- I think the very recently dead *did* respect my work, but, well, now they're dead. It's other people who are still around that I am suddenly having doubts about. So I'm carrying a sense of "respect for Lori's talents and hard work is also dead and buried now" which I know isn't true but it's wound tight with the general grief and hard to untangle.

I will keep walking the middle path as best as I can perceive it. And thank you.

Though I've never hired you for anything, I just wanted to let you know that I totally value you and don't take your friendship for granted.
Thank you :)