Log in

No account? Create an account
mom tattoo

Today at the "parents coffee date" for the first day of school, I learned that I am not the only parent who really disliked Joan A. Friedman's Emotionally Healthy Twins. Both of us felt like she was projecting a lot of her childhood frustrations as an identical twin onto the pages of the book -- Friedman basically insists on SEPARATE EVERYTHING AS MUCH AND AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, which is economically unfeasible for lots of folks, just as a starting point. I mean, occasional solo play dates is one thing (and I agree, very healthy). You Must Give Them Different Bedrooms, hold up. There are plenty of ways to honor twins' individuality and need to differentiate on a smaller scale.

In contrast, I was pleased to realize this week that one of the consequences of G. and I having very close birthdays and, thus, combined birthday parties year after year is that it normalizes combined parties for the kids. Hooray unintended beneficial consequences!

(Side note to [personal profile] elusis and reminder to self: I think this falls into the category of developmental advice I chose to ignore.)


I didn't take any special steps to separate the kids and while they were born on the same day, they were born eight years apart, and as far as I can tell they survived having a lot of communal belongings, birthdays together,the same friends generally, and even sharing some clothes and bedding. You could almost say we went to extra lengths to jumble them together, though we didn't really intend to. Emma, the younger, has had a slight issue about differentiating herself, as in she has felt the need to do so. She hasn't found it difficult.

I don't see that you're going to have a difficult time letting your kids differentiate: you've already noted and respected their differences in development and interests. You aren't making them wear all matching everything, that's the key I think.