Godzilla Kisses

I'm going in for a C-section tomorrow morning.

Make that fourteen pounds of baby (babies, if you prefer).*






* And that's baby weight *only*, not counting extra fluids and such.

Last night's breastfeeding class was refreshingly diverse compared to other recent encounters I've had. OK, everyone was strangely *thin*, except the instructor, but that's another story, really. And oddly, I was the only one with twins. Considering my obs/gyn has, I believe, *five* patients with pending twins, three of them 'natural' sets...

But there was one thing that united us all, young and old, big and small, wearing chic Empire-waist maternity wear or Juno-esque sweatpants and t-shirts (uh, that would be me).

Footwear.

There was one woman there in traditional sneakers. Every other pregnant person present, including me, was wearing some variation of slip-on sandal, flip-flop, or thong. (I can't call them thongs. Thongs are for underwear.)

In at least four cases, the women were wearing what I guess would be best described as a flip-flop wedgie. (Wedgies are for shoes *and* underwear.) I confess, I do not quite understand the purpose of the flip-flop wedgie. Flat flip-flops, sure. I'd wear 'em too if I didn't need real arch support. But the wedge heel plus the flimsy frontpiece just looks...uncomfortable to me. I know, here I go again having this idea that footwear should be *comfortable*. That's probably where I'm going wrong.

You have to understand, it's gratifying to see all these women wearing such flimsy footwear. I look forward to the day I see someone in their bedroom slippers. All I can wear these days, with one or two exceptions, are my Birkenstocks, and I keep wondering, how do other women cope with water retention and swollen feet? I glance under the tables at Alta Bates, and I know. And I feel better. I have become a secret voyeur of pregnant lady feet.

Since there ain't much more going on in my life these days (unless you want to hear my reviews of Generation Loss, or The Best American Nonrequired Reading of 2007, or the latest issue of Gastronomica....), and since I know a lot of you are curious, I am officially opening up another round of:

Ask The Pregnant Lady!

Ask me anything you like. It doesn't even have to be pregnancy-related, but this is your chance to ask all those questions that have been piling up in the back of your mind, but you try not to ask when you see me b/c bombarding me with questions would be, well, rude. Bombard away! No limits, quantity or content-wise! Go for it!

This is good for me, too, b/c it makes me feel less like I am droning away about my own boring minutiae and actually performing a service ;)

I think it was badgerbag who wondered when we'd get the first live-blogged account of someone in labor.

Liveblogging? That's so 2007!

Tweeting your delivery, otoh...

(P.S. to anyone wondering: no to both.)

I have over nine pounds of baby in me. (More or less evenly distributed.)

The hit of the baby shower yesterday was clearly Rockabye Baby's Lullabye Renditions of Nine Inch Nails. That's right, instrumental lullabye versions of songs like "Hurt," "Closer," and "Head Like a Hole," done on vibraphone and mellotron. Seriously fucking charming -- not at all a one-joke pony, I'm telling you. Don't believe me? Come on over to my house for a listen sometime.

So thank you, fightingtiger, for the Best Shower Gift Evar -- and also for co-hosting, making delicious foodstuffs, and while I'm here, just for being such a stand-up kind of guy. Thanks too to wild_irises for co-hosting and cupcakes (cupcakes!).

This praise is not, however, meant in any way to detract from the charm of tie-dyed onesies, hats knitted to look like eggplants, "noob" and "badass," A Field Guide to Stains, and bug books in Spanish, and so on, and so forth. Roomba and Scooba have a great set of baby schwag to look forward to once they're done cooking.

Also, I really, really love my friends. 'Cuz really, it's about the company and support, not the stuff. It was one of those "smiled so hard my face hurts" kind of afternoons for me yesterday.

Re: baby items:

If it doesn't come in pastel pink or baby blue, it comes in sage green. And only sage green. OK, sometimes yellow. Rarely, if you're lucky, lavender. Or if it's expensive and "eco-friendly" or organic, it might come in "neutral," i.e. off-white.

At this point I think I would kill for something in a royal purple.

ETA: b/c I already have two boxfuls of clothing and more coming, I am thinking more about blankets, towels/washcloths, bedding, and decor, in my specific case (i.e. when I am not whining about the state of baby stuff in general). I mean, do I really need a gender-coded *washcloth*?

Sometimes the process of getting ready for birth feels like studying for a final exam. There are books to read, equipment to purchase, checklists and more checklists, classes to take, appointments to make, plans and strategies. And it doesn't pay to cram at the last minute!

And then, when I pass and graduate, the real fun begins.

I have the palest wisp of a linea negra now as well -- you really have to be looking for it, but it's there. Which is kind of neat, b/c I's kind of figured that I was way too pale to get one.

1. I have strange dark hairs sprouting all over my body, and the areas of my body that were already hairy are now lush. If I were that kind of girl, I would now need serious professional help to denude my legs.
2. Skin tags continue to proliferate.
3. Pigmentation changes are true! My moles are all darker, and I have more freckles and blotches and things.
4. My feet hurt from the extra weight, especially my right heel, and I'm not sure what to do about it other than sit down a lot.
5. Sneezing feels weird b/c my diaphragm isn't where I remember leaving it.
6. Water retention in my feet is reaching silly levels.
7. Blood pressure is still a little high.
8. My nipples ache. And they are officially leaking colostrum at odd intervals.
9. Congestion and the occasional bloody nose are back.
10. Listen to my joints pop!

Apparently, when I was in utero, I used to kick the book that my mother was attempting to rest on her belly. The first time it happened was quite startling, she reports.

Guess what Scooba took to doing late last night? It is startling!

Mom is still laughing.

I am also inordinately fond of this photo from Saturday. Better than an upskirt :)

This is what I look like these days. When I'm feeling fancy, anyway.

I am the proud owner of a shiny new diagnosis of Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension (PIH). In other words, the twins are *already* giving me high blood pressure, and they haven't even done anything yet. ;)

Many thanks to goodbadgirl for giving me a ride to the hospital and then sitting with me through an appointment that turned out to be much, much longer than expected. It meant we had all afternoon to talk! And admire the very competent and friendly nurse.

Then they put me on drugs. Labetalol, for those playing along at home.

I'm feeling fine, the babies are fine (kicking the heart monitor!). I'm ready to see more of my couch and less of the inside of a medical office, though.

ETA: I am noticing that several online resources discussing PIH state that it's synonymous with preeclampsia. This is not the case here. I do not have preeclampsia (at the moment) -- there's no protein in my urine. Just high blood pressure.

Here is my baby registry. I'm still adding things to it here and there, but I think it's more or less ready for prime time at this point.

A few notes:

* Please don't feel compelled to buy me anything from this list, or anything at all.
* Please feel free to buy me things that are not on this list.
* Please feel free to offer services, gift certificates, cash, companionship, etc. instead.
* Please do not feel bound to shop at the merchants mentioned. If you find the same item elsewhere and want to get it for me, buy it at the elsewhere place if that's your preference. (But don't forget to check it off on the registry anyway if you do!)
* Please feel free to ask questions and make suggestions.

Have at it and enjoy!

Dear Many Moms (and Other Caretakers) on My Friend's List,

I am trying to pull together a baby registry for the many nice people who keep asking after it. (It's also functioning as a general shopping list reminder for me.) I've made some progress, but I think now, I could use some advice. Some advice from real people that I know, who are not middle-class heterosexual women who drive cars, if you know what I mean.

What kind of baby gear should I be buying and/or asking for from folks? What did you find helpful to have around?

What should I absolutely put on my registry? What isn't necessary, but would be nice to ask for (and/or obtain for myself)? What might be a useful and appreciated luxury?

I am totally torn between my frugal and minimalist tendencies, and the fact that, duh, this is a registry, it's a *list* for people who want to *give me things*, playing "I don't really need that" is not actually necessarily helpful.

Anyway.

Materialism. Lay it on me. Thanks!

1. It is official -- I am going on my pregnancy leave in a little less than three weeks; my last day at work is July 18. After that, I will have a lot of free time that I'm not entirely sure what to do with, yet. Other than, you know, crack open my prenatal yoga DVDs and maybe spend some quality time with the weight bench. If you're free during the day for tea dates and such, though, do let me know.

2. I think I am now officially feeling movement in my belly -- little fluttery sensations. Also, I think the twins have found my bladder and are practicing their tap-dancing.

3. My knees and the hardwood floor (not to mention the shale tile in the kitchen) do not get along at the moment. Water retention makes them feel bruised, I think. Squatting is easier (!)

4. One corny pregnancy thing I do: I sing to them. We're gonna have regular dance sessions once I'm on leave, too. No Mozart, though. I am boycotting Mozart on principle.

5. If you want to suggest music for prenatal dancing and singing, feel free to do so below. Mix CDs also accepted if you feel motivated that way.

It's harder to use the laptop (at least in my preferred, approaching-ergonomically-appropriate fashion) when you have less lap than you used to...

a) Picking a doula. I have two interviews scheduled now, one this weekend. If anybody has any advice at all in this area, from questions to ask to people to ask, pipe up now.

b) Day care (and other options). 'Cuz, see, having twins puts me squarely in the "earning $ just to pay for day care" danger zone.* b/c twins = double the outlay, in most cases. Which reminds me of a story...

When I was growing up, people would occasionally compliment my parents on their foresight in spacing their kids out so well -- six years apart in each case (except the last, which was eight years). "That way, no two will be in college at the same time!"

My parents would retort: "College, hell. We didn't want two in day care at the same time."

My parents, they were smart :) But as I have mentioned before, the universe loves its little jokes.

I realize, btw, that the words "day care", all by themselves, open up a huge can of worms. And that lots of people have strong opinions and judgments on the matter. You will also perhaps guess that I am one of them. So, ground rules: respect my choices here or go gripe somewhere out of my hearing. For the record, I am entirely pro day care in theory, and that's that. Practice varies widely :) And practicalness? Well, that's where I am right now. Trying to sort it out.

If I'm going to go back to work right away, full-time or part-time, I'm supposed to be lining up my day care now. Hoo boy.


* I am acutely aware that this 'danger zone' is also labeled 'privilege,' btw. More on this later.