Godzilla Kisses

Dear TV Newsreaders And Their Ilk,

Obesity is not, I repeat not, the number-one health problem in this country. Obesity per se is not a health problem at all. Obesity may increase the risk or contribute to the severity of a wide variety of health problems. Or it may not, depending on the person. I know it's hard to believe, but someone can be 'obese' and have no other health problems or concerns at all. Nor are they walking time bombs of bad health, with inevitable consequences lurking down the road. It just ain't so.

No Love,

L.

"Women love making love with monsters even when it hurts."

Saturday, July 18, 2009
San Francisco in Exile presents:

We Are Who We Say We Are!

7 pm doors, 7:30 pm show
Center for Sex & Culture, 1519 Mission Street, San Francisco 94103
$10-20 sliding scale, no one turned away


Step back y’all and listen up!
SF in X is bringing together a variety of fabulous performers to expose you to their thoughts on sexual identity.
You’ll see storytelling of all types in a night that’s sure to stimulate, shock, and satisfy.
So please leave your children under 18 at home and bring your body, mind, and soul to the Center for Sex and Culture for an evening of fine funky entertainment curated by Mr. Marlo Gayle.

Our performers for the evening:

Blake C. Aarens
Tina D’Elia
StormMiguel Florez
Marlo Gayle
Lola Vauntz
Fresh! White

( full performer bios beneath cut )

"Simone, I don't think fish lips are part of standard yoga practice."

OK, I bit. maevele gave me five words. If you want to give me five words, too, you can do so below.

1. Twins!

With an exclamation point, for sure! Whenever anyone asks, I say that "I was planning for one, but I won the bonus round." Twins are a good reminder that you can only plan for so much, and it pays to be flexible. Right now, I am really pleased at the idea that they will never be lonely, and they will always have a playmate their age. It seems to have the potential to help balance out the isolating effects of the (semi-)nuclear family and our non-kid-oriented society. They will be each other's peers. It's also much fun to have such very different and individual daughters, growing up together.


2. Pervert

I waver on this one. I mean, if you talk to me, obviously I am one. But I think it was Steven who jokingly called me "post-leather" the other day, and he has a point. I may be a pervert, but I am not sure I am a member of "the leather community" any more. Don't get me wrong, they throw some nice parties and I'd like to meet their tailor. I do what I do, I am skilled at navigating issues of negotiation and consent, the images that delight me and turn me on are weird. Even sometimes to other perverts. Sometimes I think it's the laughing. But it's probably really the laughing combined with the hitting and poking and biting and...One thing that I am a little sad about is that I find it almost impossible to write down my actual turn-on stuff. Mostly it's disconnected images and things, see, and it just doesn't translate. So please don't read my writing looking for a key to my sexuality; you'll just get very confused.


3. Cooking

This morning someone walked into my kitchen, admired the cookbooks, and asked, "so who's the chef?" I was standing next to someone who's actually gone to culinary school, so I should have pointed to him. I am not a chef. I am a cook. I cherish my amateur status. That said, cooking is obviously my most passionate hobby. It's the thing I do with my body and my senses that keeps me grounded and present in my body, to counterbalance the all-in-my-head aspects of writing. Plus its rewards are concrete, and relatively immediate. P.S. I have found, to my surprise, that I prefer cooking for other people. Left to my own devices, I won't do it.


4. WisCon

I have been going to WisCon for a decade officially as of this past May. My friend Bill, who lives in Minneapolis and whom I met at Clarion, suggested it. I fell in love immediately. Eventually, I became assimilated into the concom hive mind and first ran the writer's workshop for a couple years, and then graduated to co-chairing programming for two more. I really loved it. I'd do it again except for, you know, #1 above. And they won't prevent me from possibly doing it again someday.


5. Babydanceparty

All one word! I have no idea how or why we started calling it Baby Dance Party. I just remember that, back in those already-hazy days of the first three months at home, G. and I would entertain ourselves and the babies by putting some music on -- usually a satellite radio station of some sort -- and wiggle the twins' arms and legs to the beat. It was a way of passing the time without going nutzo, and they seemed to like it. Now that they're older, they like to stand in their crib or playpen and 'dance," i.e. bounce up and down in time. I think that a room full of adults and kids dancing together would be utterly delightful for them, so that's the plan for their first birthday party: cake, balloons, and dancing in the living room. Baby Dance Party!

You know, this poster of the alphabet in French was really cute...right up until the very last letter.

:(

The head-shaking thing with Simone has now become "the no-no game," with a classic call-and-response structure. She will shake her head, giggle, and then wait for an accommodating adult to imitate her. Repeat until everyone is dizzy and hysterical.

She also has a new word: "cat". It sounds a lot like "quack" but the vowel is different and so is the context. ("Quack" is another call-and-response game; "cat" is not.)

April, meanwhile, reinforces the mind/body dichotomy by trying to climb out of her crib and playpen at every opportunity. Remember, she can't walk yet. Not that that's stopping her. It's also funny to watch her flex her very visible abdominal muscles while on the changing table.

Your solid food updates have ceased because they're basically eating whatever I give them, and I am slowly transitioning toward feeding them whatever we're eating at the time (or leftovers). Very slowly, it will be admitted (but, thus the french fries). It makes them happier, though; I can see them covet whatever it is we're eating in front of them. Also, they are officially omnivores as of this afternoon -- apparently, chopped liver is very yummy. I can't disagree!

I am enjoying life at home with babies very much, if you can't tell.

P.S. Paged Media designed my website. I highly recommend them (well, her -- hi, Stephanie!).

I must admit I am very amused that so many of you took the opportunity to use the contact form on my shiny new web page to send me dirty messages yesterday. Sweet dirty messages, of course, because that's how you all are and that's why I like you.

I can haz website!

Aelita, Queen of Mars was all kinds of awesome. It left me giddy. The fashion! The earnest politics! Mars! Silent film acting! With extra eyeliner! The theremin! I am undone.

The ladies say, "French fries are delicious!"

Also today: Simone and I devolve into a mutual giggle fit while shaking our heads at each other. Steven says, "stop teaching your daughter that saying 'no' is fun!" Too late. Like mother, like...

Relying on hand-me-downs for the last nine months has insulated me from the apparent fact that shopping for children's clothing is like reliving my childhood gender trauma one inch at a time. Last night I found myself muttering "I'd be gender appropriate if the boys didn't hog all the cool stuff!"* a lot...

*Like frogs and spaceships and sports and cars and monsters and pirates and dinosaurs! Giraffes, however, are apparently gender-neutral this season.

In honor of Simone boogying in my lap right now to "Lady Marmalade" (and singing "ya ya," I kid you not), I invite you, my readers, to name for me the most inappopriate yet strangely baby-friendly songs you can think of.

Karaoke: Friday, August 7, time TBA.
Aioli in the Garden: Saturday, August 15, noon.

If you can't make either of those events (or hate karaoke and can't make the garden party ;) ), but want to celebrate either of our birthdays some other way, just holler. Arrangements can be made.

Also, if you like planning ahead:

September 20: Steven's birthday, aka Brownies and Boardgames.
October 3 (tentative): Baby Birthday Dance Party!

If we get up the energy in the meantime, there should be some open garden grill afternoons somewhere in there, too.

I didn't know you all had such strong feelings about karaoke.

So, this year, G. and I have decided to hold a grand aioli party in our garden for our birthdays. What's a grand aioli party? Think of a big bowl of delicious homemade garlic mayo, plus platter upon platter of savory accompaniments. Plus the garden, of course. It should be a blast.

If I can only figure out which afternoon in August to hold it on...sort out conflicting events and who's in town and who's not and so on and so forth and now my head is spinning in indecisive little Leo circles.

Which is where you come in! Please vote below!

While I'm here, I'll also throw in a question about a corresponding karaoke night.

FWIW, our actual birthdays are August 7 and 11.

Poll #1426512 Aioli In The Afternoon (and Karaoke too)
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What afternoon in August should we hold our double Leo birthday garden aioli party?

And what Friday evening should we do karaoke?

Apropos of nothing except a pitch letter I am writing right now, I begin to think that my nonexistent nickname should be "Plan B." Not, please note, because I am anyone else's second choice or anything, but because I seem to be good at rolling with it when the goalposts suddenly shift. (Knock on wood.)

After I cook dinner, I will have four strips of uncooked bacon left over in the fridge. And we're just starting to get tomatoes in the box regularly now.

You can guess where this is going, yes?

Midori just wrote a very perceptive review of Goliath's Best of Bondage art book, pointing out that all the models are women, and all but one of the photographers, men -- and what that means about the state of the art of bondage photography in general.

I apparently can't link directly, but it's currently the top post at her blog. Direct link here.